I am grateful for the moments of clarity. I feel like I can breathe for a minute. They flow in and linger for only a minute or two, but, for those minutes I feel relief and can breathe.
“Have some grace. Accept what is” -a.m. homes
Let go. The theme throughout My story is gaining the courage and strength to let go. Let go of partners, patients, lovers, true loves, false self and too learn to just be. New discoveries. #courage, #faith, #discoveries, #independence, #learning
neighbors
The people on the lower level across from me have a red couch. It’s unoccupied at the moment. Normally there is a shirtless man who lays across it like a true couch potato; overweight and slob like. The people above them have a heart shaped cellophane balloon bobbing in the window. I wonder if its been there since Valentines Day and I wonder when they will pop it or will it shrivel up and sink first. Their neighbor is watching tv. A show where there is a man in a white beard being interviewed, a reenactment scene on a murder mystery show. Perhaps if our common tv likes continue we could share the cable bill, I could cancel my Netflix account and ask him to turn it up so I could watch with them from my balcony. The lady diagonally below them is a screamer. Not in the sexy, perverted way…but, she’s a screamer in the fact that she’s a yeller not a talker. She screams at her kids. I’ve gotten used to it and believe that is her true form of conversing with them. They probably don’t even hear it as yelling, screaming, or her raising her voice….its just Mom talking. Theres a man who’s there (maybe he lives there too…maybe he’s the father), he has a habit of looking out his back slider often. Almost as if he’s looking into my window. I don’t close my blinds because of it…I just stare back at him. I can’t see his eyes and I doubt he can see mine. However, if he can, I like to think he hates that I glare back at him with my laser, demonic like eyes. Mind your business you peeping tom, perverted voyager. I’m such a hypocrite. The man on the red couch is back. He’s scarfing down a hamburger and a Starbucks drink (I can tell because of the green straw). The woman of the apartment just positioned their air purifier in front of the window. Unless its blocking his view of the tv, I doubt his respiration problems are from the poor air quality and more likely from the fact that he is 60 pounds overweight. Who needs Netflix when you have at least four neighbors who have their blinds open, ready to entertain you.
Pull to the right and STOP!
I’m an EMT. I am in the public eye. It’s part of my job to stay professional at all times. It is the publics job to use common sense and know the law….PULL TO THE RIGHT AND STOP! Get outta my way! I have flashing lights all over my ambulance and in case you’re a blind driver, I also have an extremely loud obnoxious siren to notify you that “hey person driving in front of me, I’d appreciate it if you would kindly pull your vehicle to the right and stop so I can quickly continue on to my emergency 911 call”. Since that memo wasn’t received by all drivers (and those few pedestrians who leave the sidewalk to step out in front of me to hurry across the street), I often say a word (or a few) in which it is very easy to read my lips and know EXACTLY what I’m saying. I know its wrong, stupid, immature, and not at all professional. So, I have found a new way to “educate” the public. After you’ve cut me off, slowed me down, or created any other sort of obstacle to prevent me to getting to the sick or injured person who dialed 911; I will pull up along side you, make eye contact with you, whip out my finger (not my tall middle one) but, my pointer finger and I will swipe my other pointer finger atop the first one and shame you. It’s embarrassing, especially as an adult, to be “shamed” by another adult. I don’t stick around long enough to see the look on your face. But, I like to think you put your head down, sigh, know you’re in the wrong and then spread the word to your friends. However, I’m pretty sure you flip me off as I drive away. One day, I’m sure my boss will call me into his office to scold me (probably ‘shame’ me) for ‘educating’ the public in that manner. I will put my head down, sigh, and figure out another way to educate drivers. Maybe, I’ll get a bull horn or just use the PA system that has been placed in my ambulance. That could be dangerous…for my career that is.
Penny for my thoughts and randomness?
I have some of the most random thoughts that pass through my mind. I figured everyone has similar randomness, however, when I mention them to people, they seem amused by my nonsense. So, I will write them all (well not ALL), okay, I’ll jot down several of these silly thoughts.
I have had, on several occasions, been pulling into a parking spot and the car next to me is pulling out and I think I’m still rolling so I hit the breaks (HARD) again. I have this rush of panic that I’m about to hit the car in front of me, then it dawns on me I’m fine, its the car next to me backing out of their spot. Whew!
I laugh at myself when I squint up my face when I hit a high note in a song, even though I’m not really trying to hit the high note. As if I’m so passionate about the song, I’m “feeling” it.
I have, twice, seen my reflection in a mirror when I wasn’t expecting it and thought to myself, “hey, that girl looks just like me”. The worst part is that I find it so humorous I insist on telling everyone about it. They usually pet my hair, tip their head to the side, and smile at me.
Have you ever noticed the windshield wipers streak ONLY at your eye level. What’s up with that? Seriously, EVERY time windshield wipers go out or go bad, its always right at the spot where you’re looking out of. Ugh, so annoying.
Does everyone get a little bummed out when you’re eating sunflower seeds and you spit out the actual seed instead of the shell by mistake? Like it was a waste of effort. Then you have the quick option or decision to make on whether or not to fetch the seed out of the pile of chewed up shells. You think to yourself ‘isn’t that like tossing food into the trash and then fishing it our (5 second rule)’. I don’t, by the way, dig anything out of the trash or even the seeds our of the pile of shells. I just look sad at the poor seed that didn’t make its destiny to being enjoyed by me.
I’m sure this list can go on, but, I think I’ve given you enough to think about for now. heehee
What’s that you say?
Sometimes I finish a conversation in my head after I’ve had the discussion with someone. I even finish a sentence out loud when I think I can’t be heard. It’s a terrible habit and sometimes a little embarrassing when I’m caught doing it.
For instance, my partner at work will say something like “Hey Holli, put my patient on the monitor.” Out loud I say “You got it”. But in my head I finish by thinking, “anything else I can do for you?…maybe I can do your job for you too while I’m at it.” Another example is when I say something to my Husband and he seems to not have heard me, so I answer for him under my breath. Ex: ME: “Hey babe, do you want your BBQ sauce on your pork chop or on the side?” He’s thinking of what he wants, I grow impatient, and walk away assuming he didn’t hear me. Instead of repeating the question, I, out loud but quietly, say, “thanks babe for being so thoughtful for asking, you’re the best”. To my chagrin, he walks into the kitchen and says “I heard you and I DID answer you. On the side please.” Oops. Heehee. Sometimes I ask myself questions AND answer them. What’s that about? Why do I need to ask myself the question if I apparently know the answer?? Now, I know I’m not the only one who does this, but, I do worry I do it too much. It’s almost like I’m keeping myself company. I fear I will have my own “Wilson” like Tom Hanks did in Castaway. Sadly, I don’t even own a volleyball. I’ll eventually begin talking to my cats or inadament objects, like my computer. Oops, too late.
Silly Words
Ever spell a word and it doesn’t look correct even though it is? Or hear a word and it makes you giggle for no reason at all? How about mentally trying to figure out how to spell a word but it doesn’t seem right….because…its not? Oh man, the other day I went to spell the word “Of”…I couldn’t figure out how its spelled. Is it O-V or O-V-E??? Why isn’t this looking right. Oh, duh…cuz its O-F. No, that can’t be right. hmmm, “hey, how do you spell “Of”? I ask. My friend looks at me like I’m an odd bird. “OF???” They say. “Uh, OF is O-F. duh.” Then it dawns on me…they’re right. Man, I feel like and idiot. Several years ago, we moved to a new neighborhood. We passed by a Pizza Hut. They had their phone number written on the window, so, I took a mental note of the number and repeated it to myself until we got home. Hurriedly I wrote it down on a piece of paper and taped it to the fridge for future reference. My Brother stopped by for a visit months later. He noticed my Pizza Hut number on the fridge and said “What’s Pitsa Hut?” I said, “You mean, Pizza Hut?” He said, “No, Pitsa Hut?” I walked over and noticed I had misspelled Pizza. Oh geez, I felt dumb. For months it sat there and I never noticed the typo. Today, I heard the word “Amusing”. I don’t know why, but it made me giggle inside. Hey, that’s amusing. hahaha Maybe because I hardly hear anyone use that word, it became amusing too me. Sometimes, when I’m playing Word Fued or Words with Friends, I look at my tiles and try to spell a word that apparently is made up and I think to myself, “how is that NOT a word? It looks like it should be a word”. Yet I never think of what it might mean. Next time I try and spell a made up word I’ll come up with a definition…ya never know…it may take off. Hey, Dr. Suess invented the word Nerd.
FEARLESS OF FAILING...MOST OF THE TIME 